You heard it here first.
Because I just made it up. What I didn’t make up is that Putin’s divorce of his wife of 30 years was finalized last Wednesday. I won’t bother mentioning her name as there is too much to remember these days as is and all references to her have been expunged from his “official biography”, so…
As far as I know she hasn’t been expunged, which would seem in keeping with Putin’s saying they wanted a “civilized divorce.”
But my point is now the world’s sexiest man (as Henry Kissinger once said: “power is the greatest aphrodisiac”) is free to be a wild, crazy bachelor type and who better to be it with than Lindsay Lohan, for a while at least?
I fantasized this possibility when struggling with what to say about the “Ukraine crisis,” which continues to simmer with some 40,000 Russian troops on the Ukrainian border and a few raucous, separatist demonstrations not far from those troops in eastern Ukraine, demonstrations that may well be Russian instigated.
Of course the EU and NATO are having meetings to discuss possible greater sanctions if Russian troops do roll into eastern Ukraine, but those nations have varying degrees of dependence on Russian gas and oil, not to mention a multitude of business interests that apply pressure on these governments to maintain the status quo.
Because of all that, some have speculated that Putin is gambling that commercial interests in the west carry enough weight to minimize the impact of economic sanctions on Russia, since it will cost them, too. That makes sense to me because I think, above all, Putin loves to be a player.
While you can find many analyses indicating that this is a losing strategy over time for Russia, this may be a winning strategy for Putin in the short term. He is less risk averse than are the European friends of the U. S., perhaps because he sees it as his mission to restore the prestige and international position of the motherland, not to reap the maximum economic benefits of globalization.
Also, while Russia’s economy is overly dependent on its export of gas and oil, again something that figures to hurt that economy over time, those resources work for it now, given European reliance on that energy and the hunger of China and India to have greater access to it.
In that regard, a big energy deal with China is in the offing. And, though this past week the UN easily passed a resolution to continue to treat Crimea as part of Ukraine (1oo votes in favor, 11 against), 58 nations voted to abstain, two of them being China and India. The last-named pair aren’t eager to get on the outs with Russia. They have other shared interests with Putlandia besides energy, such as India’s import of a huge amount of arms, 75% from Russia.
Having blurted all that out, you can see why I would hunger for a simple solution to the Ukraine crisis, even if out of left field like my Lindsay Lohan plot. Putin has made a number of clever moves politically in recent months and I think we need something to distract him, and who better to do that than Lindsay.
I just checked Google and she says she is still sober, having graduated from treatment for the sixth time last summer. Since she goes through boyfriends faster than a chain smoker turns cigarettes to ash, she might prove an interesting challenge to the Vlad man, and he certainly is a guy who likes a challenge.
Finally, in case you haven’t been paying attention, Lindsay is not yesterday’s news. Lilo appeared on Letterman last night, looking better than ever I’m told. She is also in a segment of 2 Broke Girls some time this week, and the shows’ two “stars” deny she was a “train wreck” to work with.
Just short of World War III, what could garner more pub than America’s never ending troubled teenager hooking up with Russia’s self-styled people’s czar? Put those wedding plans on hold Brangelina.
All the hoopla surrounding the relationship might distract Vlado from focusing on expanding Russia for a while. At least it would provide me with a respite from the Kardashians always staring at me in the super market line.
P. S. – Those who feel like biting their nails in response to the tensions in eastern Ukraine may want to check out this article in today’s Washington Post. Besides giving a thumb nail sketch of the simmering situation there, it provides a couple of useful maps, including one which breaks down the per cent of Russian ethnics in various parts of southern and eastern Ukraine.